Homercles: Space Monkey Man of Tomorrow
Sunday, April 20, 2008
The Week That Was
Heard about that crazy Texas Mormon cult? Yeah, you probably have.
Frankly, I'm excited to see a group of religious nuts that the media IS prepared to give two shits about. If only we could re-categorize Islamism as some sort of bizarre Christian offshoot.
Frankly, I'm excited to see a group of religious nuts that the media IS prepared to give two shits about. If only we could re-categorize Islamism as some sort of bizarre Christian offshoot.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Ways to kill time when no one we know is holding
Another day, another protest in San Fran. Zombie's got pics. I can smell the heady mix of patchouli, body odor, and smug self-righteousness from here. Here's a couple of Zombie's pics, but you really need to click over to see the good stuff. I'm not saying leftism is a mental disorder, but it sure seems like a lot of unstable people gravitate toward leftism. Still, correlation is not causality. Maybe it's something in the air in San Francisco.
I'm sure the alternate cut of I Am Legend is a big hit with these tards.
Oh, wait, I get it. Bush. Eat a dick. Bush. Dick. Teh Funny.
And here I thought it was tasteless, tactless, and homophobic. But no, I am in the presence of pure, unadulterated, comic genius. Bow down, pissants. Not only is the author, nay, the auteur, of this sign smarter than you, he's also funnier. If only your limited neocon brains could grasp the subtle nuances of this modern-day Lenny Bruce.
I'm sure the alternate cut of I Am Legend is a big hit with these tards.
Oh, wait, I get it. Bush. Eat a dick. Bush. Dick. Teh Funny.
And here I thought it was tasteless, tactless, and homophobic. But no, I am in the presence of pure, unadulterated, comic genius. Bow down, pissants. Not only is the author, nay, the auteur, of this sign smarter than you, he's also funnier. If only your limited neocon brains could grasp the subtle nuances of this modern-day Lenny Bruce.
Labels: Morons
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
I'm going to travel back in time and bitchslap Walt Kelly
"We have met the enemy, and he is us."
--From Kelly's Pogo comic strip
Picked up I Am Legend on DVD. Having just finished the alternate version on Disc 2, I can say now, with very little hyperbole, that had this been the official theatrical version, I would have pissed on the screen on the way out of the theater.
The new ending reminds me of Kelly's quote, which has, incidentally, become the very epitome of that kind of moral equivalence that pervades what passes for progressive thought these days. "Ooh, the poor bloodthirsty mutant vampire things feel love toooooooooo. And Will Smith is a BAD MAN for trying to cure them."
I hate that bullshit. With. A. Passion. Smith's character is supposed to come to some epiphany that trying to save the human species is wrong because the aforementioned mutant vampire things might suffer in the process? You have got to be fucking kidding me.
They turned a story of loss, loneliness, and sacrifice into a story about understanding the Other. I couldn't hate this version more if it had starred Osama bin Laden. I couldn't hate this version more if Che fucking Guevarra played the plucky survivor who taught Will Smith the error of his ways. I couldn't hate this version more even if Bubbles Kennedy played the President. (Although, I have to admit, that would add another layer of terror to the story.)
Original theatrical version: 4 Stars
New bullshit alternate DVD cut: -57,000 Stars
--From Kelly's Pogo comic strip
Picked up I Am Legend on DVD. Having just finished the alternate version on Disc 2, I can say now, with very little hyperbole, that had this been the official theatrical version, I would have pissed on the screen on the way out of the theater.
The new ending reminds me of Kelly's quote, which has, incidentally, become the very epitome of that kind of moral equivalence that pervades what passes for progressive thought these days. "Ooh, the poor bloodthirsty mutant vampire things feel love toooooooooo. And Will Smith is a BAD MAN for trying to cure them."
I hate that bullshit. With. A. Passion. Smith's character is supposed to come to some epiphany that trying to save the human species is wrong because the aforementioned mutant vampire things might suffer in the process? You have got to be fucking kidding me.
They turned a story of loss, loneliness, and sacrifice into a story about understanding the Other. I couldn't hate this version more if it had starred Osama bin Laden. I couldn't hate this version more if Che fucking Guevarra played the plucky survivor who taught Will Smith the error of his ways. I couldn't hate this version more even if Bubbles Kennedy played the President. (Although, I have to admit, that would add another layer of terror to the story.)
Original theatrical version: 4 Stars
New bullshit alternate DVD cut: -57,000 Stars
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
I finally know why the Internet was invented.
See how many Sci-Fi/Horror movie references you can spot in this, ahem, alternate-reality Clinton-Obama debate. This video is almost South Park brilliant (which automatically makes it 10^(10^100) times more brilliant than Family Guy).
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Correction
I've received an e-mail from Steve King's people bringing my attention to his full comments regarding Barack Obama. In the full comments, which were not mentioned in the article I read, King did in fact echo the points I made earlier this week. So he did mention that withdrawal from Iraq would be perceived as a victory by Islamists. So consider the record set straight.
I do, however, stand by my assertion that King's statement that Obama's name would, in itself, be a cause for celebration in the Islamic world is detrimental to the larger point he was trying to make. If a name alone is sufficient for Osama and Co. to get their joy-joys, the Ibn Warraq and Ayaan Hirsi Ali wouldn't be on the jihadis' shit list. It's what you do, not what you call yourself, that's important, and it is Obama's deeds in dealing with Islamism that will cause us nothing but pain down the road.
I do, however, stand by my assertion that King's statement that Obama's name would, in itself, be a cause for celebration in the Islamic world is detrimental to the larger point he was trying to make. If a name alone is sufficient for Osama and Co. to get their joy-joys, the Ibn Warraq and Ayaan Hirsi Ali wouldn't be on the jihadis' shit list. It's what you do, not what you call yourself, that's important, and it is Obama's deeds in dealing with Islamism that will cause us nothing but pain down the road.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Spitzer Swallows
I know, cheap joke. But you knew it was coming. Uh huh huh, huh, huh huh. I said "coming."
Sure, it's a clear-cut case of sheer hypocrisy, and sure it's another case of Democrats attempting to excuse the conduct of their flock. And Spitzer's presser yesterday has taken the place of every post-Monica press conference Bill and Hillary ever stood shoulder to shoulder in as the single most humiliating experience a woman could ever have.
Still... $4,300? If I had the money, I'd hit it.
Of course, I'm not married. I'm not a father. Nor am I a public figure. Nor did I make a career out of busting prostitution rings.
Sure, it's a clear-cut case of sheer hypocrisy, and sure it's another case of Democrats attempting to excuse the conduct of their flock. And Spitzer's presser yesterday has taken the place of every post-Monica press conference Bill and Hillary ever stood shoulder to shoulder in as the single most humiliating experience a woman could ever have.
Still... $4,300? If I had the money, I'd hit it.
Of course, I'm not married. I'm not a father. Nor am I a public figure. Nor did I make a career out of busting prostitution rings.
Die, Hippy, Die
The Daily Show takes a shot at Berkeley and Code Pink.
Fucking hippies. I suspect their aversion to waterboarding is that it's much too close to bathing for their taste.
*BONUS* As Eric Cartman has taught us, hippies are repelled by death metal. Enjoy Slayer's "Raining Blood."
I can feel my mellow being harshed already.
And while we're at it, here's Ministry's "Stigmata." Technically not death metal, but I'd wager it's kryptonite to the Phish crowd nevertheless.
Fucking hippies. I suspect their aversion to waterboarding is that it's much too close to bathing for their taste.
*BONUS* As Eric Cartman has taught us, hippies are repelled by death metal. Enjoy Slayer's "Raining Blood."
I can feel my mellow being harshed already.
And while we're at it, here's Ministry's "Stigmata." Technically not death metal, but I'd wager it's kryptonite to the Phish crowd nevertheless.
