Homercles: Space Monkey Man of Tomorrow
Sunday, October 30, 2005
ooh, spooky
Jeff Goldstein wants to know what you're watching this week, and so do I. To get the ball rolling, my Halloween festivities this year include:
The Grudge (Yeah, I know, Ju-On was better. But I hadn't seen this version until today.)
The Thing (1982)
Dead and Breakfast
Hellraiser
Dawn of the Dead (2004)
House On Haunted Hill (both versions)
Evil Dead II
The Tingler (Thanks to IowaEnnui for the suggestion.)
y tu?
The Grudge (Yeah, I know, Ju-On was better. But I hadn't seen this version until today.)
The Thing (1982)
Dead and Breakfast
Hellraiser
Dawn of the Dead (2004)
House On Haunted Hill (both versions)
Evil Dead II
The Tingler (Thanks to IowaEnnui for the suggestion.)
y tu?
Looking for root causes
Maybe it was the Crusades.
Maybe it was Colonialism.
Maybe it was the Neocons in their all-consuming quest for ooooooiiiiiiilllllll.
But we all know whose fault it wasn't.
(Click on the link Ace provides at your own risk. It WILL make you physically ill. This is not a joke, and I am not in the slightest bit kidding when I say I wish I never had clicked on it. It's just another thing added to all the other things I will hold these militant Islamists responsible for, and I will demand that they pay with their own lives.)
Maybe it was Colonialism.
Maybe it was the Neocons in their all-consuming quest for ooooooiiiiiiilllllll.
But we all know whose fault it wasn't.
(Click on the link Ace provides at your own risk. It WILL make you physically ill. This is not a joke, and I am not in the slightest bit kidding when I say I wish I never had clicked on it. It's just another thing added to all the other things I will hold these militant Islamists responsible for, and I will demand that they pay with their own lives.)
Journalism at its finest
The most popular photo on Yahoo at the moment.
So, here's to you, Mr. Landed a Cushy Job on the Fashion Beat After Nearly Failing Out of J-School.
So, here's to you, Mr. Landed a Cushy Job on the Fashion Beat After Nearly Failing Out of J-School.
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Wanna see something reeeaaaallllyyyy scary?
In the spirit of Halloween, and in preparation for my butt-numbing scary movie marathon, I thought I'd share some ghoulishly stuff with you, dear reader. Be advised, the following images are truly, truly chilling.
Still here? All right, you asked for it . . .
Truly, if you're still here, you're made of sterner stuff. This oughta test yer mettle.
And, the fiendish finale . Be warned: men have been driven stark, raving mad by this image. A man named George Olafson, from Fargo ND currently resides in a mental institution, curled up in a ball and crying softly to himself, after receiving this image in an e-mail. Please, for the love of God, run while you still can.
Aaaaiiiieeee!!!! The goggles, they do nothing!
Still here? All right, you asked for it . . .
Truly, if you're still here, you're made of sterner stuff. This oughta test yer mettle.
And, the fiendish finale . Be warned: men have been driven stark, raving mad by this image. A man named George Olafson, from Fargo ND currently resides in a mental institution, curled up in a ball and crying softly to himself, after receiving this image in an e-mail. Please, for the love of God, run while you still can.
Aaaaiiiieeee!!!! The goggles, they do nothing!
The Dark Knight Returns . . . To Kick Your Ass!
Finally got to see Batman Begins. Now, mind you, as that worst kind of geek, the comic-book kind, movies of the genre tend to rub me the wrong way; Batman Begins, however, has a lot more pros than cons.
Things I liked:
1) Plumbing the depths of the roster. Seventy years of Batman mythos, and Burton and Schumacher more or less stuck to those characters that appeared on the TV show. (I'm pretty sure that in all of the inifinite possibilities of infinite universes, there exists a world where Schumacher got to direct Batman V, and the villain du jour is King Tut.) And when they did go outside the A team of villains, their choices were either lame gimmicks (Bane), or mishandled (Poison Ivy, Two-Face). Nolan and Goyer made some inspired choices this time around. Ras al Ghul! Scarecrow! Hell, there's even a cameo from 80's B-lister Zsasz.
And, while not a villain, the inclusion of Lucius Fox was welcome.
2) Christian Bale. This guy is good in everything he does.
3) Gary Oldman. For the first time ever, he plays a straight-up good guy.
4) The new Batmobile. I have to think that somewhere in the Pentagon, someone's looking at this beast, and getting all tingly.
5) Overall design. Burton's Gotham looked like it was built by a madman, and Schumacher's looked like Batman and the amazing neon technicolor playground. Nolan's Gotham looked real. It looked like a tarnished gem, a real lived-in world of a shining promise that has fallen on hard times.
6) Effects. Most of the effects were practical, and it shows. When CG is used, its use is subtle and realistic.
7) The villain's plot. Not giving away any details, but let's just say that the malevolent scheme concocted by the baddies is suitably comic-booky in feel.
8) Those trippy fear gas hallucinations. Which is why I never took acid. Because I sure as hell did not want to be seeing things like that in my head.
9) Rutger F*****g Hauer. 'Nuff said.
10) Fidelity. 100% true to the material in spirit, and 85% true to the material in fact.
Which brings me to the one thing I didn't like about the movie: while I realize that certain alterations must be made to character origins to fit it all in to a 2 hour movie, why do they continue to feel the need to tie the A villain's origin into the death of Bruce Wayne's parents, however indirectly? Enough already, damn it. It was a random street thug. That's it. That's all. Some schmuck petty criminal who never went on to become the Joker or a pawn of Ras al Ghul or any of that Boo-shwah. Damn it. Man, that irritates me.
Anyhoo, I give Batman Begins 4 and a half thumbs up, or sumthin.
**UPDATE** Since Nolan's shown a willingness to look beyond the usual members of the Batman rogues gallery, here's hoping the next movie continues with the offbeat choices. My choices:
Deathstroke: the Terminator
Scarface and the Ventriloquist
Black Mask
Things I liked:
1) Plumbing the depths of the roster. Seventy years of Batman mythos, and Burton and Schumacher more or less stuck to those characters that appeared on the TV show. (I'm pretty sure that in all of the inifinite possibilities of infinite universes, there exists a world where Schumacher got to direct Batman V, and the villain du jour is King Tut.) And when they did go outside the A team of villains, their choices were either lame gimmicks (Bane), or mishandled (Poison Ivy, Two-Face). Nolan and Goyer made some inspired choices this time around. Ras al Ghul! Scarecrow! Hell, there's even a cameo from 80's B-lister Zsasz.
And, while not a villain, the inclusion of Lucius Fox was welcome.
2) Christian Bale. This guy is good in everything he does.
3) Gary Oldman. For the first time ever, he plays a straight-up good guy.
4) The new Batmobile. I have to think that somewhere in the Pentagon, someone's looking at this beast, and getting all tingly.
5) Overall design. Burton's Gotham looked like it was built by a madman, and Schumacher's looked like Batman and the amazing neon technicolor playground. Nolan's Gotham looked real. It looked like a tarnished gem, a real lived-in world of a shining promise that has fallen on hard times.
6) Effects. Most of the effects were practical, and it shows. When CG is used, its use is subtle and realistic.
7) The villain's plot. Not giving away any details, but let's just say that the malevolent scheme concocted by the baddies is suitably comic-booky in feel.
8) Those trippy fear gas hallucinations. Which is why I never took acid. Because I sure as hell did not want to be seeing things like that in my head.
9) Rutger F*****g Hauer. 'Nuff said.
10) Fidelity. 100% true to the material in spirit, and 85% true to the material in fact.
Which brings me to the one thing I didn't like about the movie: while I realize that certain alterations must be made to character origins to fit it all in to a 2 hour movie, why do they continue to feel the need to tie the A villain's origin into the death of Bruce Wayne's parents, however indirectly? Enough already, damn it. It was a random street thug. That's it. That's all. Some schmuck petty criminal who never went on to become the Joker or a pawn of Ras al Ghul or any of that Boo-shwah. Damn it. Man, that irritates me.
Anyhoo, I give Batman Begins 4 and a half thumbs up, or sumthin.
**UPDATE** Since Nolan's shown a willingness to look beyond the usual members of the Batman rogues gallery, here's hoping the next movie continues with the offbeat choices. My choices:
Deathstroke: the Terminator
Scarface and the Ventriloquist
Black Mask
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Those who can, do
Those who can't, become critics.
Which, incidently, is #1 on my top 10 list of why I'll probably never try acting: my skin is too thin.
Which, incidently, is #1 on my top 10 list of why I'll probably never try acting: my skin is too thin.
Oh my!
(Via Ace)
George Takei's come out of the closet. Which in no way diminishes the fact that he's the best damn imaginary helmsman in the galaxy.
George Takei's come out of the closet. Which in no way diminishes the fact that he's the best damn imaginary helmsman in the galaxy.
Monday, October 24, 2005
Battle not with monsters
John Hawkins gazes into the abyss, and reads Chomsky.
That's a few hours he'll never get back.
That's a few hours he'll never get back.
Evidently, the irony is lost on them
Song of the moment: System of a Down's "BYOB." Catchy song, moronic lefty lyrics.
Why do they always send the poor? Because the poor tend to be the ones who enlist. Not everyone who wants to get ahead in life can get an education at Hah-vahd.
Ya know, for a state as fascist as ours, SOAD certainly gets well-compensated for loudly and frequently bringing that to our attention. Truly, it must be hard to speak for the downtrodden while rolling through the nation on a well-appointed tour bus, travelling from one hooker-laden boozefest after another, and oh yeah, SPEAKING TRUTH TO POWER.
Why do they always send the poor? Because the poor tend to be the ones who enlist. Not everyone who wants to get ahead in life can get an education at Hah-vahd.
Ya know, for a state as fascist as ours, SOAD certainly gets well-compensated for loudly and frequently bringing that to our attention. Truly, it must be hard to speak for the downtrodden while rolling through the nation on a well-appointed tour bus, travelling from one hooker-laden boozefest after another, and oh yeah, SPEAKING TRUTH TO POWER.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Happy birthday, MM
It's Mathman's birthday this week. Stop over at his blog, if you're so inclined. Maybe you can get him to pause his premarital bliss long enough to get him posting again. :)
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Rub my belly for luck
Via Random:
You fit in with: Buddhism Your ideals mostly resemble those of the Buddhist faith. Spirituality is the most important thing in your life. You strive to live by all of your ideals, and live a very intellectually focused life. 20% spiritual. 20% faith-oriented. | ||||
| ||||
Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com |
Zombies. Man, they really creep me out
The Onion reports that Pittsburgh is wide open for a full-on zombie assault.
From the article:
Evans City, PA Police Chief Gino Fulci said zombie preparedness comes down to training on the local level.
"Children need to be taught from preschool that they might have to put a bullet between the eyes of their own undead mother," Fulci said. "'Destroy The Brain' banners should be hung above the entrances of schools, churches, and town halls everywhere."
I blame Bush for this appalling lack of zombie preparedness.
(And, on a meta note, I can't believe I just linked the Onion. This is the first thing on that site I've found funny in months.)
From the article:
Evans City, PA Police Chief Gino Fulci said zombie preparedness comes down to training on the local level.
"Children need to be taught from preschool that they might have to put a bullet between the eyes of their own undead mother," Fulci said. "'Destroy The Brain' banners should be hung above the entrances of schools, churches, and town halls everywhere."
I blame Bush for this appalling lack of zombie preparedness.
(And, on a meta note, I can't believe I just linked the Onion. This is the first thing on that site I've found funny in months.)
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Does BDS make people retarded?
Picked up Land of the Dead after getting fitted for a tux for MM's wedding.
Another Halloween, another zombie movie.
The movie? Eh. I don't care if you did create the genre, Mr Romero. Zombies don't f*****g think! Period. If zombies thought, they'd just be people with a bad skin condition and a taste for human flesh. Good for what it is, but more of a departure from the genre than I'd prefer.
Anyway, to the point. In the special features, Dennis Hopper's talking about how he chose to play the human heavy like Rumsfeld, and that Romero was aiming for a parallel with the Bush administration. Well, you'll have to forgive me, but when I see some rich ass**** trying to keep the people down, and act like the world hasn't gone completely to s***, I tend to think of John Kerry.
(Now, if they had played it like some dude who campaigned on fiscal responsibility, and started spending our money like a drunken Democrat, then I'd buy it.)
Bush Derangement Syndrome claims another victim.
Another Halloween, another zombie movie.
The movie? Eh. I don't care if you did create the genre, Mr Romero. Zombies don't f*****g think! Period. If zombies thought, they'd just be people with a bad skin condition and a taste for human flesh. Good for what it is, but more of a departure from the genre than I'd prefer.
Anyway, to the point. In the special features, Dennis Hopper's talking about how he chose to play the human heavy like Rumsfeld, and that Romero was aiming for a parallel with the Bush administration. Well, you'll have to forgive me, but when I see some rich ass**** trying to keep the people down, and act like the world hasn't gone completely to s***, I tend to think of John Kerry.
(Now, if they had played it like some dude who campaigned on fiscal responsibility, and started spending our money like a drunken Democrat, then I'd buy it.)
Bush Derangement Syndrome claims another victim.
Rome is burning
Granted, we're not too big into gladiatorial animal slaughter, but other forms ofwretched excess do seem to be at the heart of our cultural cancer.
Case in point:
Oct. 18, 2005 — The girls were spending hundreds of dollars on formal wear, the guys almost as much on tuxedos. Thousands went into the limo, rental houses in the Hamptons, the flowers and the pictures. Students were showing up to the prom drunk, the liquor bought and served by their parents.
It is a problem faced by high schools across the country, but Brother Kenneth Hoagland, principal of Kellenberg Memorial High School in Uniondale, N.Y., had had enough. In an unprecedented move, he canceled the school's prom.
(snip)
In a letter explaining his decision to 489 parents, Hoagland wrote, "It is not primarily the sex/booze/drugs that surround this event, as problematic as they might be. It is rather the flaunting of affluence, assuming exaggerated expenses, a pursuit of vanity for vanity's sake — in a word, financial decadence."
I must confess to feeling a certain amount of resentment when some effete elite with a vacation home in the Hamptons tells me I need to be giving more to help support the unfortunate, when the outrageous expenses they accrue, so their little debs can be the princess of the ball, would pay all of my bills for a month.
(I'm not saying we should overtax the wealthy. I'm not even saying we should over tax the indulgent. We should, however, consider taxing the hell out of the overindulgent whose championing of the poor only extends far enough to ensure that the rest of us pay for their concern. Mr. Kerry, Mr. Soros, this Bud's for you.)
Kind of went off-message there for a while. All I really wanted to say is that I'm glad to see there are at least a few of us trying to stay connected to the values that made this nation great. So, Brother Hoagland, I doff mine cap.
Case in point:
Oct. 18, 2005 — The girls were spending hundreds of dollars on formal wear, the guys almost as much on tuxedos. Thousands went into the limo, rental houses in the Hamptons, the flowers and the pictures. Students were showing up to the prom drunk, the liquor bought and served by their parents.
It is a problem faced by high schools across the country, but Brother Kenneth Hoagland, principal of Kellenberg Memorial High School in Uniondale, N.Y., had had enough. In an unprecedented move, he canceled the school's prom.
(snip)
In a letter explaining his decision to 489 parents, Hoagland wrote, "It is not primarily the sex/booze/drugs that surround this event, as problematic as they might be. It is rather the flaunting of affluence, assuming exaggerated expenses, a pursuit of vanity for vanity's sake — in a word, financial decadence."
I must confess to feeling a certain amount of resentment when some effete elite with a vacation home in the Hamptons tells me I need to be giving more to help support the unfortunate, when the outrageous expenses they accrue, so their little debs can be the princess of the ball, would pay all of my bills for a month.
(I'm not saying we should overtax the wealthy. I'm not even saying we should over tax the indulgent. We should, however, consider taxing the hell out of the overindulgent whose championing of the poor only extends far enough to ensure that the rest of us pay for their concern. Mr. Kerry, Mr. Soros, this Bud's for you.)
Kind of went off-message there for a while. All I really wanted to say is that I'm glad to see there are at least a few of us trying to stay connected to the values that made this nation great. So, Brother Hoagland, I doff mine cap.
Monday, October 17, 2005
Bummer
Grim at Fanboy Rampage is calling it quits. Dammit. FR stands in my mind as one of the best comics-centered blogs I've encountered.
Die, Hippie, Die
No one has done more to demolish the magical nostalgia pixie-dust glam of hippies more than Messrs. Stone and Parker. Please, for the love of all that does not suck, watch this episode of South Park the next time it airs.
Truly, the rise of hippiedom is a prime example of how history is shaped by the people who write it. Ooh, the rise of the counterculture, sticking it to the Man. Woodstock '69, what did they really accomplish? They converged on some land, got toasted, and oh, yeah, took the brown acid when they really shouldn't have. Color me impressed.
Related: From Lileks:
[Bush is] batshite, in other words, because he thinks he speaks for Jeebus. But the people [protesting] on the streetcorner appear certain that Jesus did not want the Iraqi Defense Ministry leveled by Tomahawks in the middle of the night, no? Probably not. It’s just a jape to needle the Red State God-botherers, just the way they used to needle The Man in the 60s by pointing out that Jesus wore long hair and sandals just like high holy hippies did. Of course, I doubt Jesus had crabs, the clap, collapsed veins from a heroin habit and the abiding conviction that monkey-headed silverfish were coming out of the kitchen sink. But otherwise, yeah, peapod mates.
Yes, I know, it’s rather tired to beat up on “Hippies” this late in the game; it’s like, oh, making the 832nd movie about the sins of the McCarthy era. And Lord knows we’ve put that one behind us.
Truly, the rise of hippiedom is a prime example of how history is shaped by the people who write it. Ooh, the rise of the counterculture, sticking it to the Man. Woodstock '69, what did they really accomplish? They converged on some land, got toasted, and oh, yeah, took the brown acid when they really shouldn't have. Color me impressed.
Related: From Lileks:
[Bush is] batshite, in other words, because he thinks he speaks for Jeebus. But the people [protesting] on the streetcorner appear certain that Jesus did not want the Iraqi Defense Ministry leveled by Tomahawks in the middle of the night, no? Probably not. It’s just a jape to needle the Red State God-botherers, just the way they used to needle The Man in the 60s by pointing out that Jesus wore long hair and sandals just like high holy hippies did. Of course, I doubt Jesus had crabs, the clap, collapsed veins from a heroin habit and the abiding conviction that monkey-headed silverfish were coming out of the kitchen sink. But otherwise, yeah, peapod mates.
Yes, I know, it’s rather tired to beat up on “Hippies” this late in the game; it’s like, oh, making the 832nd movie about the sins of the McCarthy era. And Lord knows we’ve put that one behind us.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Request lines are now open
I'm taking suggestions for this year's Halloween "Hide in the basement and watch horror movies until my eyes bleed" a-thon.
Last year, it was Alien, the original Mummy, and, if memory serves, the 2004 Dawn of the Dead.
Zombie films a plus, but I'll take anything creepy, whether I've already seen it or not.
Last year, it was Alien, the original Mummy, and, if memory serves, the 2004 Dawn of the Dead.
Zombie films a plus, but I'll take anything creepy, whether I've already seen it or not.
Saturday, October 08, 2005
Revenge of Geek Love
The Digital Bits has a review of the Episode 3 DVD.
Fellow geeks: commence your drooling. This is gonna be a good one.
Fellow geeks: commence your drooling. This is gonna be a good one.
It's Bolivia Appreciation Day!
What do we appreciate Bolivia for, since we don't use cocaine or drink coffee?
Why, for shuffling El Che off of this mortal coil, of course.
You can celebrate this undercelebrated holiday by going to your nearest college, finding some dips**t wearing the Che t-shirt, and kicking him squarely in the balls.
(Please note that the management does not endorse the actual kicking of men in the balls. It's a metaphorical ball-kicking. Honest.)
Why, for shuffling El Che off of this mortal coil, of course.
You can celebrate this undercelebrated holiday by going to your nearest college, finding some dips**t wearing the Che t-shirt, and kicking him squarely in the balls.
(Please note that the management does not endorse the actual kicking of men in the balls. It's a metaphorical ball-kicking. Honest.)
Friday, October 07, 2005
A: Yeah, sometimes
Q: Do you ever get tired of being right?
When I saw the preview commercials for Bravo's Great Things About Being A Red State, I predicted it'd be a condescending morass of comfortably smug talking heads mocking the great unwashed in flyover country.
Yep.
Let's see: Waffle House, Creationism, frog-gigging, Deliverance . . . they're batting 1000.
When I saw the preview commercials for Bravo's Great Things About Being A Red State, I predicted it'd be a condescending morass of comfortably smug talking heads mocking the great unwashed in flyover country.
Yep.
Let's see: Waffle House, Creationism, frog-gigging, Deliverance . . . they're batting 1000.
Tipping the scales toward capital punishment
This man deserves to die.
From the Des Moines Register:
Police said a registered sex offender who lived at a Des Moines homeless shelter kidnapped a toddler Tuesday at the downtown library and sexually assaulted her in a locked men's room while employees worked to open the door.
James Carson Effler Jr., 32, grabbed the 20-month-old girl about 11 a.m. as she played on the floor near her baby sitter, who was using a library computer, investigators said.
A 20-month-old girl. Let that sink in for a bit.
As an aside, I wonder who he'll vote for once he gets out, assuming he doesn't get his ass shanked in prison.
From the Des Moines Register:
Police said a registered sex offender who lived at a Des Moines homeless shelter kidnapped a toddler Tuesday at the downtown library and sexually assaulted her in a locked men's room while employees worked to open the door.
James Carson Effler Jr., 32, grabbed the 20-month-old girl about 11 a.m. as she played on the floor near her baby sitter, who was using a library computer, investigators said.
A 20-month-old girl. Let that sink in for a bit.
As an aside, I wonder who he'll vote for once he gets out, assuming he doesn't get his ass shanked in prison.
Still drinking the Kool-Aid
From the DVD Verdict review of Gay Republicans:
As this film is nothing but politics, here's my bias: I am a liberal Democrat who believes all Americans deserve equal rights, and that the anti-gay legislation passed and proposed is pure nonsense meant to legalize hate and discrimination against the homosexual community.
With that in mind, my hope in reviewing Gay Republicans would be to find some measure of an answer to the greatest political oxymoron of all time: How can there be gay Republicans? For those of us on the left, we are truly baffled by the concept of a homosexual belonging to the Republican Party, especially in this day and age. With numerous states passing laws to ban gay marriage, and with President George W. Bush proposing a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage, how does a homosexual reconcile the fact that their party, in no other easier term, hates them? How can you belong to a party in which you are not welcomed, shunned, and seen as less than an equal?
Now, aside from the usual "Republicans are racist homophobic thugs" business, I think the author of the review is missing something important.
Like many on the left, the author takes the standard stance that gay people (and, one assumes, black people, hispanics, etc) should quite naturally support the Democratic Party, and should they not, indeed, should they support the very bastion of foul darkness that is the Republican Party, there must be something wrong with them, or at least something alien and indecipherable about their thought processes.
It's a mystery to the author how there ever could be something like a gay republican, and I suspect it always will be, because he's asking the wrong question. Maybe it's not "What's wrong with these gay people that they should be republicans?" Maybe, rather, it's a case of "What is so wrong with the Democratic Party that people who should tend to vote Dem choose not to?"
And I'm sorry to disappoint, but any answer involving gay Uncle Toms, Stockholm Syndrome, or cultural indoctrination doesn't pass muster with me.
Monday, October 03, 2005
Lord, I am weak
Have mercy upon my soul, and help me to resist temptation. Specifically, that new Meatnormous Breakfast Sandwich at Burger King. Ohhhhhhhhhhh, meat-normous. (Drool)
Seriously. Like I really need to take in a week's worth of cholesterol in one sitting.
And the new BK mascot is creepy. Like, serial killer creepy. If that sumbitch just appeared out of nowhere, I'd 1) mess myself 2) kick him in the jimmy 3) run like hell.
**UPDATE** Actually, now that I think about it, I think "Meatnormous" would be a great nickname. Somehow, though, I don't think it's in the offing.
Seriously. Like I really need to take in a week's worth of cholesterol in one sitting.
And the new BK mascot is creepy. Like, serial killer creepy. If that sumbitch just appeared out of nowhere, I'd 1) mess myself 2) kick him in the jimmy 3) run like hell.
**UPDATE** Actually, now that I think about it, I think "Meatnormous" would be a great nickname. Somehow, though, I don't think it's in the offing.
